Grief is tough – there’s no doubt about it. But don’t ever think you are powerless over your journey or your life. At the end of the day, what are you focusing on? Ask yourself the question. It’s important. Your answer may well determine not only if you will still be standing, but whether you’ll survive or thrive.
Archive for the ‘Attitude’ Category
Stop for a minute and think about your approach to grief. Do you face it like a cheetah, a turtle, or an ant?
I recently discovered a quote in a treasured book by Sarah Young, and I love how she describes hope. Sarah says, “Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven. This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.”
I have my own picture of hope. I like to think of hope as part our DNA. I see it as a key element of our internal make-up, just like the cells of our bodies, yet it’s deeper than that. I envision hope as a real but invisible link, devised and engineered by God, that ties us to Him—an unmistakable connection that nudges us to go on when we’re down; that whispers to us when we stray; that tugs (and tugs) at our hearts when we need to listen; that throws up road signs for us to see when we’re lost; and that points out everyday miracles to us when we need encouragement.
People have searched to learn about the effects of grief, so I wanted to shed a little light on the subject.
When grief noticeably touches your life and everything inside and around you, and you finally grow tired of things the way they are, then you’ll likely decide to figure out what’s going on and take action. Do you understand what is happening? And do you know what you have to do to get beyond this point?
Grief holds the power to literally stop you in your tracks. It spills over into every part of your life, and you cannot keep it self-contained or compartmentalized, regardless of how hard you try. Grief’s effects impact:
The longer I live, the more I understand that attitude is the single most important driving force in any of our lives. Whether the question relates to your professional life, your personal life, your relationships, your spiritual journey, or anything else you can think of—your attitude influences (and drives) your success or failure, your happiness or dissatisfaction, and the ease or struggle of your journey.
Let’s be honest. Grief is hard. It may be one of the most difficult things you’ve faced in life. And struggle can surely get you down, if you allow it.
If you’re mourning the loss of your mom, or if your mom is fighting a devastating illness, or if personal heartbreak clouds your celebration of this special day, can you still experience joy wherever you are? I have a few suggestions for you to consider. I know this subject can be very difficult, and my intention is to open your mind to a few things you may not have considered. I’m also going to share a personal confession with you, so please keep reading.
Last week brought terror and heartache to people across our country, but our collective pain and grief are only a shadow of the pain and grief felt by victims whose lives were directly touched by the tragedies in Boston, MA and West, TX. My heart aches for each of these people and their families … for the way their lives have been forever changed and for the unbelievable pain they face over the next weeks, months, and years as they work through their grief and learn to accept (and adjust to) the changes inflicted on their lives because of their losses. When tragedy and grief devastate you, what do you do?
As 2012 ends and the anticipation of a new year (along with the prospect for new beginnings) arrives, I can’t help but think about life through the eyes of a little child. Children have the right idea—and we can take away valuable lessons for living by looking at life through their eyes.
I sensed life through a new lens this Christmas. As adults, I think we often tend to become jaded over the years—a bit cynical; less than enthusiastic about things that excited us before; and sometimes we end up just going through the motions of holidays, celebrations, and even our everyday lives.
Anything that gets in the way of healing from grief is a concern, but certain issues are especially critical, complex, explosive, or unpredictable. I describe these subjects as ‘flashpoint’ issues because they hold the power to block your path to healing, to derail your progress.
Everyone’s grief is uniquely his or her own. Each experience is different, just as each person, personality, past, circumstance, and everything about an individual is unique.
Sometimes, certain issue(s) override everything else as you face your loss—and these issues can become the rocks that block your progression toward healing. Different circumstances will force particular issues to the forefront, issues that are somehow attached to, or emerge from your loss. Some examples are isolation; fear; anger; guilt; ‘Why?’ questions; victor/ victim; and “Do I really want to get well?”
In facing my own loss, flashpoint issues took me by surprise, either because they were so contrary to my own personality—or because I was shocked that they showed up as part of my grief.
At any given time, loss is part of our normal, everyday experience, right along with the rest of life—including our greatest joys. When we confront losses, especially serious ones, we often have to remind ourselves that we still have goodness in our lives, too. We sometimes have to force ourselves to remember that the two tracks are always running alongside each other—and our lives are filled with joy and pain, good and bad, ups and downs—at the same time. At certain times, one track carries more weight and is more visible, and during those times the pain tends to overshadow the joy. However, even when pain is the dominant emotion we feel, that doesn’t mean everything in our lives is bad.
I am no different from anyone else. When one area of my life or one thing is really distressing, I’m just as liable as anyone else to let negativity creep into my thinking. We start to question what in our lives is positive, or when we can expect something good to happen again. This kind of thinking is a trap to avoid. We will defeat ourselves by thinking this way.
I hope you’ll check out the article—and share it with your friends and anyone you know who would be interested.
Just click on the link: Fairhaven Memorial Park
Whether your loss is the death of someone or the end of a relationship, loss of health or mobility, loss of your home or job, loss of your business or your assets, loss of security, or any meaningful loss, you will experience change. How you respond to the change (and this will likely be many kinds of changes)—will determine your future. How you respond sets your course in a positive or harmful way.
Attitude is one of the most powerful tools in your life, possibly the most important one. Your attitude determines how you ‘see’ what happened to you, and it will be a key element in how you respond.
Much, if not most, of what happens in your life is outside of your control. So how will you respond to the majority of events, conditions, and circumstances you face?
Think about it. Life is about learning. When we don’t get it right the first time, we usually get another chance to learn the lesson—and we keep going back to square one until we ‘get it.’
It’s great to meet you. Take a few minutes and look around. See what’s here.
This blog is about hope and inspiration. It’s about help. It’s about seeing the beauty that’s all around you, even if you can’t see it right now. It’s about finding a way to smile—and know that you are not alone. It’s about getting you to believe—really believe —that you will make it through grief. And that life will be good again. But it takes effort on your part. You have to believe in yourself and really want things to get better!
You’ll find truth here. I won’t pull punches. I’ll tell you about things I learned the hard way. I want your path after loss to be easier than mine was.
Let’s make this journey together. You don’t have to do this alone.
© 2011 Judy Brizendine