Apart from the sheer and utter pain of grief, I believe the rest of it is not what we expect. To be completely honest, until grief came crashing down on me, I’m not sure I had ever even given a thought to it – certainly not a serious thought. And I imagine most people fall into the same category as me. That was nearly seventeen years ago. Looking back, there were so many things I wish I’d known about grief. Here are a few for you to consider … (more…)
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
I’m always watching for outstanding resources to recommend, and the article discussed in this post is filled with 115 helpful websites on grief and bereavement. I believe this list represents a collection of some of the very best online resources available for coping with grief and bereavement.
In this article on the MastersInCounseling.org website, you will find a wide range of resources directed toward grief brought about by a variety of life events, including but not limited to death. You’ll find information to help you understand, guidance to help you cope, and a supportive community so you know you are not alone.
Anything that gets in the way of healing from grief is a concern, but certain issues are especially critical, complex, explosive, or unpredictable. I describe these subjects as ‘flashpoint’ issues because they hold the power to block your path to healing, to derail your progress.
Everyone’s grief is uniquely his or her own. Each experience is different, just as each person, personality, past, circumstance, and everything about an individual is unique.
Sometimes, certain issue(s) override everything else as you face your loss—and these issues can become the rocks that block your progression toward healing. Different circumstances will force particular issues to the forefront, issues that are somehow attached to, or emerge from your loss. Some examples are isolation; fear; anger; guilt; ‘Why?’ questions; victor/ victim; and “Do I really want to get well?”
In facing my own loss, flashpoint issues took me by surprise, either because they were so contrary to my own personality—or because I was shocked that they showed up as part of my grief.
The last few weeks have been emotional ones for me—but emotional in a good sort of way. I’ve been reminded just how priceless the people and relationships in my life are, not just during the tough times such as grief, but during the everyday times of life.
I’m so blessed that my mom is still here, but I know this Mother’s Day brings different thoughts and feelings for those whose moms have died. If your mom is no longer here, I hope you’ll take this time to focus on precious memories of her and joyful times you shared, even though you miss her terribly. Remember the blessing of who your mom was (and is)—that you can hold close forever! If she’s still here, then let her know just how precious she is to you.
Perhaps some of you didn’t have the kind of relationship with your mom that you longed for.
How many of you have had to fight against discouragement? Every single one of us has been there—right? Whether you’re facing disappointment, despair, or another difficult condition or situation, unfortunately the following quote is true, and going through the ‘what is’ can be a challenge:
“In order to get from what was to what will be, you must go through what is.”
Hopelessness seems to show up at the worst times—when things keep going wrong, when plans or dreams aren’t working out the way you hoped, when you’re being bombarded on all sides by challenges, and sometimes when you’re just plain tired!
Yesterday morning my husband and I watched a documentary about 9/11 on television. The filmmakers captured the horror, disbelief, terror, confusion, and utter devastation of that day as well as it’s possible to do on film. However, I couldn’t help but think there’s no way any of us who were viewing the program could really know what it was like to be in New York on the streets surrounding the World Trade Center ten years ago on 9/11. And we couldn’t know the experience of those who had loved ones directly involved in the tragedy — and who watched and waited to learn their fate as events unfolded.
We can listen as people tell us their personal stories about 9/11, and we can relate to the way our world has changed and the feelings we share, but we’ll never feel what those folks felt that day — or appreciate all they’ve had to cope with since then. That’s the way grief is. No one understands as does someone who has suffered a similar experience.
The Grief ‘Club’ is a group you never wanted to join. But the irony of it all is that fellow members have the ability to connect with you and understand what you’re going through in ways that strangers to the club (even though they may be people closest to you) cannot.
An unspoken bond exists between people who have suffered a deep loss. They not only know about grief, they know grief—so they can relate to your feelings, fears, and questions. Fellow members have an awareness that is missing in those who do not belong to the club. Others, regardless of their desire, simply do not have the same ability to understand—because grief cannot be known any way except firsthand.
I’m still amazed (even though I know it’s true) that a perfect stranger may be able to relate to me better than someone I’ve known and loved for years.
Have you received this gift?
© 2011 Judy Brizendine