Archive for the ‘Decisions and choices’ Category
Sunday, May 12th, 2013
Mother’s Day is here—and while it will be a time of laughter and celebration for some, others will struggle just to get through the day. Can joy and grief live together?
If you’re mourning the loss of your mom, or if your mom is fighting a devastating illness, or if personal heartbreak clouds your celebration of this special day, can you still experience joy wherever you are? I have a few suggestions for you to consider. I know this subject can be very difficult, and my intention is to open your mind to a few things you may not have considered. I’m also going to share a personal confession with you, so please keep reading.
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Tags: avoiding guilt, choices, gratitude, joy and grief, Mohter's Day
Posted in Attitude, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Gratitude, Holidays, anniversaries, special occasions, Stunned by Grief | 2 Comments »
Monday, April 22nd, 2013
No one expects a tragedy. Yet, tragedies strike, seemingly out of nowhere, and they’re devastating.
Last week brought terror and heartache to people across our country, but our collective pain and grief are only a shadow of the pain and grief felt by victims whose lives were directly touched by the tragedies in Boston, MA and West, TX. My heart aches for each of these people and their families … for the way their lives have been forever changed and for the unbelievable pain they face over the next weeks, months, and years as they work through their grief and learn to accept (and adjust to) the changes inflicted on their lives because of their losses. When tragedy and grief devastate you, what do you do?
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Tags: attitude, Boston MA, coping with grief, decisions about coping with loss, hope, response to tragedy, tragedy, West TX
Posted in Attitude, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Emotions, Response to tragedy, Stunned by Grief | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, March 20th, 2013
Is is possible to take a break from grief? Stick with me for a moment and let me explain. Please! I think it’s not only possible at times, but necessary, to take a break from grief.
I will say, without a doubt, that grief is one of the most difficult experiences any of us will face in life. The idea of taking a break from grief does not in any way minimize or make light of its intense pain, effects, or significance. I recognize the deep and complex impact of grief that follows loss. In fact, its fierce and powerful characteristics are exactly why we need to take a break from grief.
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Tags: coping with grief, finding balance during grief, grief journey, help with grief, needs of grievers, take a break from grief, taking a break
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Needs of grievers, Stunned by Grief | 8 Comments »
Friday, February 15th, 2013
The faces of grief are an ever-changing landscape unique to each person’s experience. Depending on where you are in the process, the face of your grief and the words you use to describe it will vary all over the map.
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Tags: choices, decisions about grief, effects of grief, faces of grief, grief changes, grief process, hope
Posted in Changes, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Hope, Stunned by Grief | Comments Off
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013
You’re probably thinking, “I don’t even know what a ‘grief’ umbrella is”—and you’re asking me, “What color is your ‘grief’ umbrella?” Let’s work through this idea together …
Grief is a mystery and a shock when you first meet up with it. Nothing you’ve ever seen, read, or thought about grief prepares you for its reality. Just like death—when death steals someone you love away—a staggering realization hits your senses that your life has changed and it will never be the same again. That’s the way grief is, too. And when grief shows up, trust me, you’ll need ‘grief’ umbrellas.
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Tags: changes, coping with grief, effects of grief, encouragement, grief support, hope, needs of grievers
Posted in Changes, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Emotions, Hope, Needs of grievers | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013
As 2012 ends and the anticipation of a new year (along with the prospect for new beginnings) arrives, I can’t help but think about life through the eyes of a little child. Children have the right idea—and we can take away valuable lessons for living by looking at life through their eyes.
I sensed life through a new lens this Christmas. As adults, I think we often tend to become jaded over the years—a bit cynical; less than enthusiastic about things that excited us before; and sometimes we end up just going through the motions of holidays, celebrations, and even our everyday lives.
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Tags: attitude, emotions, hope, life lessons from children
Posted in Attitude, Decisions and choices, Emotions, Hope, Stunned by Grief | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, December 12th, 2012
Judy Brizendine was interviewed today by Anna Banks for a special show about dealing with grief during the holidays – on the program “Living Fully After 40™ Radio.
Anna also wrote an article for her Living Fully After 40™ Blog today (December 12) about Judy, her STUNNED by Grief books, and the challenges of grief and the holidays.
This time of year, which we normally greet with excitement and anticipation, is extremely difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one or other types of deep losses. Instead of joy, someone who is grieving most likely is experiencing feelings of dread, anxiety, a lack of energy, loneliness, and an overall sense of being overwhelmed. However, there are things you can do to make your holiday season more manageable—and to carve out moments of joy in the midst of your grief. You’ll find suggestions to help you cope with grief during the holidays in Judy’s guest blog article, ‘5 Ideas to Ease Holiday Anxiety During Grief,’ written for the Journeys Through Grief Newsletter.
Check out Anna’s blog to read the article about Judy (as well as a host of other articles dealing with issues we all face) whether or not we are past the age of 40!
(Photo courtesy of office.microsoft.com)
Tags: coping with grief, emotions, grief and holidays, grief challenges, holidays
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Emotions, Holidays, anniversaries, special occasions, Needs of grievers, Stunned by Grief | Comments Off
Monday, October 22nd, 2012
Anything that gets in the way of healing from grief is a concern, but certain issues are especially critical, complex, explosive, or unpredictable. I describe these subjects as ‘flashpoint’ issues because they hold the power to block your path to healing, to derail your progress.
Everyone’s grief is uniquely his or her own. Each experience is different, just as each person, personality, past, circumstance, and everything about an individual is unique.
Sometimes, certain issue(s) override everything else as you face your loss—and these issues can become the rocks that block your progression toward healing. Different circumstances will force particular issues to the forefront, issues that are somehow attached to, or emerge from your loss. Some examples are isolation; fear; anger; guilt; ‘Why?’ questions; victor/ victim; and “Do I really want to get well?”
In facing my own loss, flashpoint issues took me by surprise, either because they were so contrary to my own personality—or because I was shocked that they showed up as part of my grief.
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Tags: flashpoint issues, grief journey, healing from grief, isolation, issues that block healing, turning point in healing, victim or victor
Posted in Attitude, Changes, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Emotions, Relationships, Stunned by Grief | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 8th, 2012
We automatically connect grief to certain circumstances. When someone we deeply love dies, we expect to grieve. However, we may only vaguely link certain situations and experiences to grief, if we associate the two at all. So the questions, ‘Is Grief a Factor?’ and ‘Am I Grieving?’ are important ones to consider.
I recently watched a drug intervention program on television. A young woman seriously addicted to heroin talked about two things in her life that had caused her tremendous pain: her father abandoned the family when she was very young, and her mother was not regularly present to take care of her and her sister. Later on, she also lost a relationship with the only true love of her life. Her main goal now is to escape from her ever-present pain by doing whatever she has to do to obtain the money to stay high on drugs. She said she doesn’t want to feel anything. Do you think the root of her problem could be grief that she never faced?
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Tags: choosing to grieve, coping with grief, health and happiness, identifying grief, losses related to grief, unresolved grief
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Effects of Grief, Emotions, Stunned by Grief | 4 Comments »
Friday, September 21st, 2012
You may be wondering what I’m really saying. Choose to grieve?
You’ve just been overwhelmed by a major loss. You feel powerless. You’re in agonizing pain. You don’t know what to do or think. And I’m urging you to choose to grieve. What do I mean?
At first, your pain will spread to nearly everything you see, think, and feel. Your thinking will likely be impaired and unfocused, and your concentration reduced. You won’t be in a position to consider and make logical decisions right away. However, don’t be overly concerned. This fuzzy state of mind will improve.
Your initial state of shock and disbelief is your body’s way of protecting you. Your loss is too difficult to absorb all at once, so your body and mind seem to enter into an ‘autopilot’ state. You’re able to function in a basic way, but at the same time, your body protects you from grasping all that is happening within and around you. Reality will hit soon enough.
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Tags: choices, coping with grief, grief help, healing, stunned by grief, taking action
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Emotions, Response to tragedy, Stunned by Grief | 4 Comments »
Friday, September 7th, 2012
I’m very honored to be guest blogging for the second time today for the Fairhaven Memorial Blog!
I hope you’ll check out the article—and share it with your friends, family, and people you know.
People everywhere are experiencing all types of loss. Everyone needs hope. And when faced with grief, we all need help.
Just click on the link to read: Fairhaven Memorial Blog
Tags: coping with grief, dealing with death, decisions and choices, grief support, hope, loss of hope, obstacles during grief, resistance to change
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Hope, Stunned by Grief | Comments Off
Friday, August 31st, 2012
What defines your life? Sometimes an event or experience creates such a strong impact—positive or negative—that we allow it to define not only who we are, but also our future.
Each of us can probably point to certain defining moments in our lives when something happened that changed our course or direction. Maybe it’s an ‘Aha’ moment when suddenly we understood a concept that changed everything for us. Perhaps it’s an achievement such as finally earning an advanced degree, winning a race, or reaching an important personal goal. Positive events such as these can be pivotal in moving us ahead, in charting a new path, or by propelling us to a higher level. Such events may also work to redefine who we are and who we can be as a consequence of our experience.
On the other hand, painful events carry the potential to define our lives, too, and the result can either be positive or negative.
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Tags: defining events in life, devastating loss, grief, hope, positive results of grief
Posted in Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Hope, Response to tragedy, Stunned by Grief | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, August 14th, 2012
At any given time, loss is part of our normal, everyday experience, right along with the rest of life—including our greatest joys. When we confront losses, especially serious ones, we often have to remind ourselves that we still have goodness in our lives, too. We sometimes have to force ourselves to remember that the two tracks are always running alongside each other—and our lives are filled with joy and pain, good and bad, ups and downs—at the same time. At certain times, one track carries more weight and is more visible, and during those times the pain tends to overshadow the joy. However, even when pain is the dominant emotion we feel, that doesn’t mean everything in our lives is bad.
I am no different from anyone else. When one area of my life or one thing is really distressing, I’m just as liable as anyone else to let negativity creep into my thinking. We start to question what in our lives is positive, or when we can expect something good to happen again. This kind of thinking is a trap to avoid. We will defeat ourselves by thinking this way.
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Tags: choices, coping with grief, emotions of grief, grief help, response to grief, stunned by grief
Posted in Attitude, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Emotions, Stunned by Grief | 4 Comments »
Thursday, June 28th, 2012
When circumstances and incidents take place that are outside of your control, do you sometimes feel as though you’re a pawn? Do you feel helpless? The truth is that loss is often beyond your control—and grief and loss bring choices—however, you are not powerless.
When grief entered my life, I was so naïve. I had no idea what to expect, and I surely didn’t realize I had choices (or responsibilities) for anything related to the grief that confused and overwhelmed me. However, as time went on, I came to understand that I did have choices to make—and these decisions carried the potential to drive me in completely opposite directions that would affect my future and my outlook on life.
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Tags: acceptance, coping with grief, decisions, emotions, grief process
Posted in Changes, Coping with Grief, Decisions and choices, Emotions, Response to tragedy, Stunned by Grief | Comments Off
