old wooden gate set in brick and stucco arch_gate to grieving

old wooden gate_brick and stucco arch_sunlight peeking thru

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2 Responses to “old wooden gate set in brick and stucco arch_gate to grieving”

  1. Sri says:

    nothing seemed thinrtenaeg to the pregnancy. It scared me alittle but i talked it over with my mom and she helped reasure me that everything was probably fine. (that happened on a thurs) But Sunday morning i noticed alittle bleeding so we went to the emergency room and they monitered me for several hours but they said i wasnt contracting and everything seemed fine so they sent me home on bedrest and set up an appointment the next day at the high risk clinic. I was having really back pain sunday night and i was still bleeding. When they checked me Monday morning at my appointment, I was 1 centimeter dialated. My mom and mother-in-law were with me and when i told them that i couldnt hold my fear in anymore and i started crying, i couldnt believe this was happening. The doctor rushed me back to Labor & Delivery and they started monitering me for contractions. Alan(my husband) arrived soon after that. I remember him asking me if i was scared, and i started crying and said yes. I was scared to death of losing my baby. I was having light contractions and was dialating even more. They gave me medicine to try to stop contractions and laid me flat on my back with the head of the bed tilted down to take away as much pressure as possible but nothing seemed to be working. I kept trying to believe that God would somehow stop my contractions and that my baby was gonna be ok. I kept asking throughout the day if i was still having regular contractions and at one point it seemed to be slowing down and i started getting more hopeful but the doc came and checked me again and i was almost 5 centimeters dialated and soon after that my water broke. At that point i knew there was no stopping this and all i could do was cry. We were going to lose our baby. I asked for an epidural but by the time they got to my room it was to late. I had to start pushing . Everything inside me was screaming NOOOOO .. you cant do this, its not time, my baby’s to small. The doctor had told me earlier that it was possible my baby would be born alive but there was nothing they could do to help the baby and that he/she would die. I didnt wanna push, I wanted to cry or scream or yell or do something, anything to make this bad dream go away, but it didnt. At 5:01 pm (only 22weeks) our precious little boy,Cody Alan, was stillborn. He was 1lb 9oz and 12.5 inches long. He looked so perfect, his toes and fingers were long just like his mommy and daddy and He looked like his Daddy.They let us hold him for as long as we needed to afterwards. By this time all my family and all of Alan’s family were there with us. There wasnt a single dry eye in the room. Everyone took turns holding him and we got lots of pictures. After probly close to 4 hours i had to go have a D&C done and i couldnt take Cody with me so we said our goodbyes and i gave him to my mom. Leaving that room knowing that when i came back my son would be gone was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my entire life. It felt like a piece of me had just been ripped out. I cried the whole way back to the OR. When i got back to the room more family and friends had arrived to see us but i dont really remember much about it, i was in a haze, i didnt wanna do anything, not even talk, i just wanted to hold tight to my husband and cry. They released us the next day and we went back to my parents place for the night. I wasnt ready to face going home and seeing my nursury we had just finished acouple days before this nightmare began. We decided to go home the next afternoon and we both cried so hard when we went in the nursury. All our dreams had just been crushed, everything we had been planning for in our lives had suddenly been changed. Thursday of that week we had a small burial service for Cody. That eve we had a visitation time so more extended family and friends could stop by. We dont know why God allowed this to happen, the doctors dont know why i suddenly went into labor but we are choosing to trust that God is going to use this nightmare from his glory and He is going to make us stronger ppl because of it. Thankyou for allowing me to share my story and tell you about my son. I never got to know him but I love him with all my heart and i cant wait till the day i can go to heaven and hold him again.

    • admin says:

      Thank you, Sri, for sharing your story with me. I’m so very sorry to hear about your devastating loss. I cannot even imagine the deep pain of losing a child, and my heart breaks for you, your husband, and your family. Such things are impossible to understand, and we will never know the answers on this side of heaven.

      I am thankful for your positive outlook, and I’m sure that God will use this tragedy for his glory and to bring strength to you all. God can bring amazing things out of the most painful and difficult circumstances. While you would give anything not to have had this happen, God is able to bring good out of devastation. Yes, you will see and hold your son again in heaven, and that is a wonderful promise to hold deep in your heart.

      May God bless you beyond your dreams or imagination, and hold you especially close as you grieve the loss of your precious baby. Thank you again for taking the time to share your story with me. Prayers to you and to your family.


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