Comments on: When You’re Feeling Gloomy, Encouragement Is a Lifeline!

By: admin

admin — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 01:38:55 +0000

I’m very glad to meet you, Martha, and happy that you discovered my blog. I hope the articles and the resources on our website will be helpful to you.

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s death. Six years may sound like a long time ago, but when it comes to grief, time takes on a different meaning. All that you’ve talked about I’ve also found to be true. People who have not experienced profound grief cannot possibly understand. I’ve heard so many stories of separations such as you describe with your friend. Sometimes the breaks also occur within families. It seems so hard to understand until you stop and realize that often people know nothing about grief. Their hurtful responses and reactions are based on a lack of knowledge and experience. I’m glad you’ve been able to re-establish the relationship, even though it’s different today than it was. Perhaps in time you’ll be able to repair it completely, if you decide you want to do so.

Please check back again–and drop me a note any time you wish. If you send an email to info@stunnedbygrief.com I’ll receive it and respond.

God bless you,
Judy

By: Martha

Martha — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 21:50:58 +0000

Yes, we must consciously choose to build and reinforce our hope. It is easier not to choose and just sit alone and stay sad. But, choices are a part of living. God alone knows why and when, but if you know Him, He can help throught the grieving process. I had a very good friend “step back” from our friendship during my time of grief. She kept thinking I should be over it. That added to my grief. Now, 6 years later, we both moved away but are on speaking terms and call each other occassionally. Grief and all it entails just cannot be explained beforehand. It must be experiences to understand. I just found this blog today and wish I had found it 6 years ago when my husband died from a head on collision.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 23:04:25 +0000

I couldn’t agree more with your observations, Teoman. It’s clear to me, too, that we experience the feelings Kubler-Ross identified, but not in definitive stages. I think people often get confused and discouraged over the concept of ‘stages’ because when their experience doesn’t mirror that of stages, they think something is wrong. The opposite is true because the unpredictable roller-coaster fashion of grief is the norm.

I have found, also, that those who have not been through a deeply painful grief experience have no idea what is involved. They don’t understand the grief process and are quick to expect others to be back to normal far more quickly than is reasonable. They are not aware of the ‘functional challenges’ people face, nor do they know how to respond to or support those who are grieving.

I think grief is greatly misunderstood and even avoided whenever possible. Some are afraid to find out about it before they need to, as though learning about it may hasten its presence into their lives. It’s as though talking about grief ushers in reality, and that reality is unwanted.

Thank you for your insightful comments, Teoman.

Blessings,
Judy

By: admin

admin — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 17:36:28 +0000

Thanks so much for stopping by–and for reading the blog post and sharing your thoughts, Jackie! I don’t really know how anyone gets through the devastating pain of grief without God’s help. Yes, a relationship with God will give us peace, and we’ll eventually be able to release the grip of the past and take hold of the promise of the future. In time, we’ll be able to embrace the present and begin to fully live again. Sometimes we have to keep reminding ourselves of the truth, even though we know it. Grief has the potential to isolate and drag us down. Remembering that God is in control, that He’s there to help us, and that we don’t have to face the future alone will help to keep hope alive. Sometimes we have to consciously do things to build and reinforce our hope and keep us in a positive place. It’s not automatic.
Wishing you peace and comfort and reassurance in your journey,
Judy

By: Teoman

Teoman — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 09:15:39 +0000

I’ve just read the Time article to get a smarmuy of the author’s thinking. As a clergyperson for almost 30 years, I’ve seen a number of people live through loss and grief in a variety of ways, and have done so myself. I have found that people often experience the feelings that Kubler-Ross’s identified (as well as others), but it is been clear to me for many years that we do not expereince those feelings in systematic stages, but rather in unpredictable roller-coaster fashion not unlike the oscillating graph shown on this site. My own (admittedly anectodatal) take on grief is that the plethora of intense feelings we typically have for some period of time are the psyche’s way of honoring the importance to us of the person (or job or marriage or ) that have been lost. Once we have done that to the degree each needs, we are ready to move on in our lives. What I continue to observe is that while the varieties of approaches to grief process described and debunked in the Time article are widespread in the culture, it is also the case that in practical terms our culture often leaves little space and time for grieving. People are routinely expected to be able to return to normal functioing, especially in the work world, within a week or two of a major loss as if nothing significant had happened. There seems to be a disconnect between the possibly over-developed psychological approach to the inner work of grief and an under-developed acknowledgement in the public world of the functional challenges that people in the early, intense time of grieving often face.

By: admin

admin — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 17:18:04 +0000

Thanks so much for the link from your blog to my post! I really appreciate your support. We can all work together to spread hope and encouragement to those who are hurting. There are so many who need our help.
Warmly,
Judy

By: Grief Journeys - Encouragement Is A Lifeline

Grief Journeys - Encouragement Is A Lifeline — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 17:00:18 +0000

[...] read a great article on encouragement and its impact on grief. Click HERE Tags: encouragement
No Comments. Getting to the Next Moment [...]

By: admin

admin — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 21:33:01 +0000

I couldn’t agree with you more, Karen. I was taught to be independent and to do everything I could for myself. When my husband died, I realized that I couldn’t survive without the support of other people. Grief is too hard to try and do alone.

I’m glad you found our website, and I hope you’ll return. Our goal is to provide support, information, hope and encouragement for those who are grieving. If you’d like to see something or know about something that we haven’t covered, please let us know. We want to provide the kind of relevant resources that people need, so if something is missing, we’d like to know.

Bless you as you continue on your journey. Thank you for your kind words, and for stopping by and taking the time to write.

Warmly,
Judy

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 15:35:13 +0000

Your website is very attractive. I totally agree with your ‘bottom line’ that we need each other during grief. I used to pride myself on being independent – until I lost my daughter – and then I discovered that I needed anyone who would or could help me.