What is the ‘I’ word you never expected with grief? Is it ‘indecision?’ No, that’s not surprising. So many things changed along with your loss – so indecision on your part is not unexpected. How about being ‘incapacitated?’ Well, you certainly may feel weakened or powerless in the face of your loss, but that’s not unexpected either. (more…)
Posts Tagged ‘healing from grief’
You just received some stunning news, and your world has been turned inside out and upside down. What will you do, and how can you turn things around after a tragedy or a deep heartache and keep going? Your first thought is, “I don’t know how I’m ever going to get through this.” Even though your world has stopped, everyone else’s world keeps going on as usual. How will you get through this tragedy? What will your life look like afterward?
I would venture to say that nearly everyone going through grief has questioned (at one time or other) whether they would ever reach a happy life again. I’m here to say that healing is available for everyone who really wants it.
Anything that gets in the way of healing from grief is a concern, but certain issues are especially critical, complex, explosive, or unpredictable. I describe these subjects as ‘flashpoint’ issues because they hold the power to block your path to healing, to derail your progress.
Everyone’s grief is uniquely his or her own. Each experience is different, just as each person, personality, past, circumstance, and everything about an individual is unique.
Sometimes, certain issue(s) override everything else as you face your loss—and these issues can become the rocks that block your progression toward healing. Different circumstances will force particular issues to the forefront, issues that are somehow attached to, or emerge from your loss. Some examples are isolation; fear; anger; guilt; ‘Why?’ questions; victor/ victim; and “Do I really want to get well?”
In facing my own loss, flashpoint issues took me by surprise, either because they were so contrary to my own personality—or because I was shocked that they showed up as part of my grief.
Have you faced obstacles — mountains to climb — in your grief journey? Sometimes we get so lost wandering around the mountains (and counting all the things we’re up against) that we forget about what lies beyond them. When grieving stay focused on your goal of healing!
Your mountains may be fears that cropped up in response to your loss. Your obstacles may be financial, or they may concern changes in your relationships with family or friends. You may be struggling spiritually or feel that you’re all alone.
We have high expectations for the holidays, and we naturally think about our loved ones more than ever. We long to be with those we love, and when that’s impossible, we’re sad. I’m no different than anyone else. The first holidays without my husband were especially tough. But I had built a foundation that held me up despite the utter sadness and pain I felt.
Soon after my husband died, I made a decision — and I remember exactly where I was standing when I made it. Making that decision was clearly important to my future and critical to my grief journey.
If you aren’t sure of your destination, how are you going to get there? And if you don’t know the obstacles to watch out for — and avoid — you may trip somewhere along the way. I like to call these possible bumps in the road ‘flashpoints’ because working through them is critical in your journey to healing.
Your path through grief will be smoother when you know what to expect. And when you know the possible snags, you’re less likely to get stuck on them.
Unresolved anger and guilt can be flashpoints that trap you, and as long as they control you, healing will be short-circuited.
Healing from grief requires a ‘yes’ from you. The door that leads to healing probably seems intimidating. It’s not warm or inviting, and you may be scared. After all, who wants to face pain?
You’re not sure what you’ll find on the other side of the door. Like this photo of a ‘double’ door, once you open the first one, you may run into others you have to walk through, too — layers of uncomfortable feelings, fears, and unexpected issues connected to your grief. But healing begins with a choice: the decision to face the pain and work through it.
When a loss first occurs, your immediate goal is survival — making it through the day, the hour, or even the minute.
Grievers need someone to listen, and once is not enough. Talking about your loved one or your loss is difficult for some, but talking heals! Yes, talking hurts–but it does heal. Talking about your pain is a way of moving your feelings from the inside to the outside, so you can begin to face your feelings, release them, and start to heal.
One of the kindest, most compassionate things anyone can do is to allow (or better yet, encourage!) a grieving person to talk about his or her loss.
What have you experienced? Have you tried to talk? Has anyone listened?
© 2011 Judy Brizendine
Soon after my husband died, not only did I feel isolated–but I didn’t even recognize the person inside of me. I didn’t know the imposter who, at times, was angry and hostile for no logical reason. How did this intruder move in and push me aside?
Grief affects every area of our lives. No wonder its effects are noticeable and sometimes overwhelming. However, there is a path through grief–and if you want to find healing, you’ll take the steps to reach your new beginning.
Remapping is doable. There is a way through …
© 2011 Judy Brizendine