After reading and hearing countless comments about the death of Robin Williams, once again it’s clear that a great lack of understanding surrounds grief, loss, and related issues. Even though the intent of most people is to provide comfort and support, they can inadvertently say something that’s hurtful or damaging.
Posts Tagged ‘understanding grief’
Grief has a way of knocking you off-balance and stealing the wind from your sails until you get a handle on what’s happening, learn enough to know what to expect, and find out about the steps you can take to move toward healing. An anchor will keep you from falling during the unexpected chaos that comes with grief.
Anchors will vary among grievers.
A friend used to teasingly call me Scarlett (as in Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With The Wind, who was known for saying, “I’ll think about that tomorrow!”) This attitude is okay when it involves setting something unimportant or less pressing aside temporarily to concentrate on a more urgent issue at hand. However, people tend to avoid thinking about grief altogether, as though by not thinking about it, they can somehow escape it.
I’m surely not suggesting that you dwell on grief. But at least know where to go and what to look for when loss touches your life, and grief arrives with it.
I had never thought about grief until I was face-to-face with it, and then I had no idea what to do.
You may experience a few changes or many. Your circumstances will determine which internal and external changes occur — and how much they will affect you. They could be physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual ones, and possibly changes in relationships.
When your world turns upside down, no wonder change follows right behind. At first, change is staggering and maybe even paralyzing. I just want you to know what to expect.
I also want to assure you that your grief journey is a step-by-step process. Try not to take on too much too soon. You’ll find your own pace. I’d like to lend a hand.
© 2011 Judy Brizendine
I have a pair of work boots that I used to wear on job sites to keep my nice shoes from being destroyed. We never knew what we would run into on construction sites—drywall mud, paint, dirt, construction debris—or just about anything! So I tried to keep my work boots in the trunk, just in case. The grief journey is kind of like that—you never know just what you’ll run up against or how something will affect you at a certain time.
My work boots were comfortable, sturdy, ordinary, no-nonsense shoes. And well- worn. They were made for work. Certainly at times grief felt like hard work—and I felt worn-out and a little ragged—just like my work boots.
At other times, something would happen to really lift my spirits and give me hope— kind of like my red suede slip-on loafers. Comforting. Positive. Someone would call just to let me know they’d been thinking about me. Or a friend would offer to help with something I couldn’t do by myself. Optimistic shoes—like a grief day touched by the reassurance that everything will be okay again.
Not every day during grief is a ‘work boot’ day. Thankfully, there are some ‘red suede loafer’ days, too!
What kind of grief day are you having?
© 2011 Judy Brizendine